I believe I understand why I stopped writing for so long. It has been in an effort to keep myself sane, balanced. When I write, I engage all of the thought processes I have been attempting to train myself to keep at bay. I engage the ego, that spiritual parasite that does not care whether I am put away in an institution to "heal." It does not care if I am medicated beyond self-recognition, so long as it has a body and a mind to abuse. I do not know how to welcome my creativity without the savage ness of the ego in tow. Perhaps in this continued pursuit of emotional self discipline, I will find a way.